Life’s Finally Working… So Why Am I Holding My Breath?



It’s working. A year in and its WORKING!

I have a client I love. I’m adding real value, watching ideas turn into action, seeing the change from the inside. I recently ran a leadership workshop to help align their five-year growth plan and left thinking, “Yes. This is exactly what I’m meant to be doing.”

This is the kind of work I set out to create when I went solo. The kind that quiets the imposter syndrome for a minute. The kind that reminds me, I do actually know what I’m doing.

And yes, I know it’s been six months since my last blog... Not because I didn’t want to write, but because nothing felt urgent enough to pull me away from the momentum. Then suddenly I realised, I was stuck in a different way. Not because things weren’t working… but because they were.

And still, I’ve been holding my breath.

Here’s the honest part.

I Know I Need More

As much as I love my current client, one client doesn’t cover everything. I need more work. I know that. I feel that. There are financial goals I want to hit and a sense of security I’d love to feel again.

But I also don’t want to take on just any work. I’m protective of what I’ve built, not just the business, but the rhythm of my new life.

I don’t want to lose the balance I’ve found just because I feel pressure to stay “busy.”

So I’m standing in this weird in-between. Wanting growth. Needing income. But terrified of tipping something that’s finally starting to feel really good.

The Leads, the Silence… and Me

People ask how things are going and I smile: “Busy! Lots happening.”

But here’s what’s actually happening.

A couple of great chats in the school car park. Some solid emails back and forth. One or two online calls that felt super promising.

Then… silence. Or “let’s revisit this soon.” Or a vague “we’ll be in touch.”

And honestly? I haven’t followed up.

Not as much as I could have. Without meaning to, I’ve let those leads sit in limbo.

Why? That part’s still murky.
Maybe I’m being too polite.
Maybe I’m scared of seeming pushy or desperate.
Maybe I’ve just grown… comfortable.

Comfortable in a space I know and now love. A space where I feel competent, calm, and respected.

But comfort doesn’t build a pipeline. And comfort doesn’t pay long-term bills.

And yet, here I am. Holding back.

The Mike Moment(s)

Then there’s Mike. My husband. My sounding board. My unofficial business development manager.

He’s not pushing me to get a "full-time" job or even to hustle harder. He’s simply doing what he does best, spotting opportunities, suggesting new clients, connecting the dots I sometimes miss.

And I genuinely love him for it.

But here’s the truth: I don’t always meet his suggestions with the same excitement he does. I nod, I listen… but something in me holds back.

It’s not that I’m not open to growth, or ungrateful for the support. So why do I hesitate when a perfectly good opportunity lands in front of me?

I smile and say, “Cool, I’ll check it out.”
Then quietly wonder, Shit, am I being too picky? Because let’s be honest—I know I can’t afford to be too picky.

So what is it then?

This Life I Built..(ing)

Here’s the part I almost feel guilty saying out loud.

For the first time in forever, I’m not running on fumes.

Everywhere I look, stories, reels, memes, it’s the same message: work is draining, Mondays are the enemy, burnout is normal.
And yet… I don’t feel that way. Not anymore!

I’m the mom who now actually offers playdates.
I’m nailing school pickups, exam study sessions, and quiet downtime with my girls.
I’ve actually watched a recommended series on Netflix without guilt.
I’ve said yes to spa days and Thursday coffee dates with friends, ...without checking my phone every ten minutes or rushing off to the next “urgent” meeting. 
Mike can travel on a whim. And I can work from anywhere. YOLO.

This business—this life—I built it to feel like this.

And now that I’m here… I’m scared of losing it. Like if I exhale too deeply, the whole thing might disappear. Or if I am honest about how wonderful it is, then I am not doing enough... 

Am I Just Too Comfortable?

That’s the loop in my head.

Have I plateaued?
Have I gotten lazy?
Have I stopped pushing?
Or have I finally stopped panicking?

Maybe this isn’t comfort. Maybe it’s clarity.

Maybe daily hustle isn’t the only way to grow.

So why can’t I just… breathe comfortably?

Why I Keep Coming Back to This One Sentence..

I was recently introduced to the concept of Ikigai (thanks, Sarah), and wow, did it land hard. I hadn’t heard of it before, but it resonated deeply.

Ikigai is a Japanese concept that means your “reason for being.”
Sarah led me through the exercise, helping me find that sweet spot where what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.. all meet.

Since then, I’ve been a little obsessed.
And my Ikigai statement has become my new starting point:

“I help people and organisations grow with purpose, combining emotional intelligence, structure, and storytelling to build resilience, connection, and action in a complex world.”

It might sound like a neat tagline or a polished LinkedIn intro, but for me, it’s a compass.

It helps me decide what kind of work I want more of.
Who I want to work with.
AND where I can make the most impact.

So… if a project, client, or contract doesn’t quite align with my Ikigai, maybe the answer isn’t a hard no.
Maybe it’s a pause.
A chance to ask: Is there more to see here? Or is this just not the right fit, right now?

Maybe I just need to find balance… in the balance.

What Now?

Well… I’m not entirely sure.

Who’s my next client? Still figuring that out...

But I’ve done it before. Found the right fit. Delivered (and still delivering) work I’m really proud of!

And I know I'll do it again.

Not by saying yes to everything. Not by saying no to everything. Not by chasing panic. AND NOT by trading peace for pressure.

So for now, I’ll follow up on the ones that feel right.
I’ll listen a little harder.
I’ll trust that maybe—just maybe—clarity is not complacency.

I’ll keep showing up.
With intention. With confidence.
And yes… big girl panties still firmly on.

Maybe I’ll even take a few more deep breaths along the way.

xx

Catch up on the journey so far:

1️⃣ Starting a Consulting Business – The Rollercoaster of Freedom (With Extra Loops of Anxiety!)
The origin story. I got retrenched, almost started a vending machine empire, and ended up launching a consulting business instead. Equal parts panic, purpose, and pretending I had a plan.

2️⃣ The Time Management Puzzle: Balancing Clients, Focus, and My Inner Critic
Spoiler: time-blocking doesn’t fix everything. I share what it’s really like trying to balance client work, self-doubt, and a caffeine-fueled brain that never clocks off.

3️⃣ Leading with Grit, Grace, And Big Girl Panties
From corporate chaos to unexpected mentorship, this one’s about the people who shaped the kind of leader I’ve become and why I’ll never forget the lessons (or the boundaries).

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